xXThe EndXx
by Tomoshibi-Chan
Summary: Taking his last breath, he fell limp into my arms. Ichigo...the man i truly loved, died in my arms. xX/IchiRuki\Xx xX/Rated T for character death\Xx


I do not own Bleach if i did own bleach Hitsugaya would be taller and Ichigo would be with Rukia ;)

Though i do have some laundry bleach but that doesnt count. *sigh*

please read the whole thing then tell me what you think. Thanks :D

* * *

he's gone. I felt my body inwardly shudder. It was something id have to to accept.

_Rukia...._

I shook my head. I wanted him out of my head. I want him away...

"Im sorry Rukia" i felt a warm hand touch my shoulder.I knew it was Renji right away, i could tell his reitsu anywhere. "im sorry" he repeated, I could reconize the sorrow in his tone that told me he was sorry he was gone too. I jerked his hand 00off my shoulder and hugged my shoulders with my arms.

"i dont care." i could hear my voice waver at the words. "he was just a human" i could hear my voice crack. But he wasnt just another human..I was trying still to convince myself of those very words. just human. I let out a forced laugh. "i guess things will go back to normal. No ryoka, no humans with crazy reitsu, no-" he let out a loud laugh, the first i had heard since before the winter war. He was laughing from the heart, and i could only feel jealous and wish i could do the same.

"i dont think theres any way things will go back to normal, not after what Ichigo did to this place" I cringed at his name and i felt my body go stiff. He realised this and cleared his throat, hoping it would make up for his words. It wasnt his fault the word was tabbooed. I shook my head. I was losing it. I shouldnt. Shiginami's dont do that. Shiginami's dont cry. Were death, death does cry. I cleared my mind trying to forget everything. Forget he lived, he was nothing to her. She inwardly cringed, that was a lie and a big one at that

_Rukia....why are you trying to forget..._

I swallowed. Forget him, forget him. I told myself.

_Rukia, you cant..can you..._

get out of my head! I shut my eyes hard. I could feel tears threatning to fall. I was losing my control.

"Rukia.." Renji sighed."I miss him too." that was it. My breaking point between standing there emotionless like a good shiginami should and sobbing like crazy. Shiginami's shouldnt cry about death. We **cause** our job. Tears overfilled my eyes, imparring my vision, i starred down at the ground as the tears started spilling down. My shoulders shook, making it possible for anyone there to realise i was crying.

_Rukia....dont cry....i love you_

Those words again. I cursed those words. If he loved me so much why did he leave. If he loved me so much, why didnt he tell me he did. Then again, this **is** Ichigo were talking about here. I could feel arms wrap around me. Warm ones. Renji that Iddiot, if Ichigo were he he'd- I squeezed my eyes shut again, cringing at his name. Renji took this wrong, backly slowly away as if i were cringing at him. Its not him...its me..im weak..i couldnt save him..i felt my heart shatter into small pieces as if i were ripped to shreds by my brothers sword or Kenpachi's ruthlessness attacks. I hate this feeling. Feeling worthless like this. Why couldnt i save you. Tears fell down freely now, cascading down my face and dropping like bombs onto the cold wet cement. It took me a whole other minute to see it was raining, not that it mattered.

_Rukia...._

I grinded my teeth together. 'why couldnt i forget him?!'

_'i come to save you and you thank me like that?!'_

_'well what if i didnt want to be saved._

i cant forget him, even if he is just a human...even if he's just an idiot.

_'i told you not to come.'_

_'so?'_

_'so you shouldnt of come!'_

_'im not just going to let you die'_

im sorry i wasnt strong enough Ichigo, ill try harder. I promise you.

"your right..." i looked up at Renji, tears still falling down my cheek. I looked shock, i startled him with my sudden urge to talk either that or saying he was right. Rukia Kuchiki would never do that. I should know better,saying that fills his ego. "your right" i repeated. I let out a bitter laugh, and i wasnt sure if it was real or not..not that it mattered. "theres no way this place would be the same..not with the damage he did to this place" i editted out his name for both our sakes. Renji nodded, giving me a sad smile, maybe a similar eaxpression a puppy may give to a owner going away or a child who doesnt get whats going on but feels sad for some reason after seeing the adults cry at a funeral. It told me, that i was right...and that the place wouldnt be the same without his cocky personality running around swinging his sword around.

"but maybe..." he spoke carefully. I wasnt sure if it was my sake or his...or both. "that change wasnt such a bad thing" I wasnt sure how that could be, since bad things happened after he arrived. Though i couldnt really blame Aizen on him since he was bound to go insane anyways.

"i mean, uhh, look at" i followed his eyes as he scanned the shiginami and humans at the service, looking for a good example. He came across Orihime and Matsumoto. Orihime, who, was crying her heart out and Rangiku was giving her a hug gently, letting out a sad little pout she often did to express her dislike in something, in this case, Ichigo's passing. "Orhime and Rangiku-san" i jumped at his sudden words. I was so focused on my surroundings, he made me jump.

'Ne?" i was unsure what he meant really. I tried to collect myself, keeping my tears to a minimun.

"Rangiku wasnt very open to humans but now, she and Orihime are best friends." he explained. I shrugged more tears falling down my face. "oh.." He figured out that Orihime was one of Ichigo's good friends back home. "sorry" he murmmered.

"dont worry about it" i shrugged, trying to set that thought aside.

"ohh...uh so did you hear?" i looked up, glad to hear the sudden change in subject. I could tell that it was something good since Renji's face seemed to light up at the meantion of it rather then sink away.

"were having a picnic tommarow in celebration"

"celebration?" i repeated skeptically, wondering how Ichigo's passing was a celebration. He shrugged.

"the brats team got into finals" he said, pointing back towards Hitsugaya. His small figure hunched over in the back. he wasnt taking this well either, though he refused to cry or even admit anything.

"hmm oh really" i answered with no clear interest in my tone.

"yeah" he answered in as much as a deadpanned tone as I, which let me to believe he only cared for the picnic part and couldnt care less about the game. "him and Karin scored the-" i flinched remembering Ichio's sister. I forgot they were on the same and judging on Renji's reaction, so did he. He closed his mouth, grimacing. "sorry" he apologized yet again. I hated this. I felt so out of it, so out of my character, as did he. I tried to lighten the mood myself.

"ha!" i spooked him, making him jump just like i had done minutes before. "Renji i dont think ive ever seen you apologise so many times. Your growing all mushy" he grinned, which was a good sign for both of us.

"yeah whatever. Least i, not crying." i smiled sofly. That was true. "blame it on Ichigo" i stiffened at meantion of his name and Renji did the same.

_dont think of me like that Rukia...I dont want you too._

for once, Ichigo spoke the truth, well at least in her thoughts he did. I unstiffened and forced out a laugh. "yes lets all blame Ichigo" i inwardly cringed but kept going. "and when he gets here, we can all laugh at him for being such a idiot"I spoke loudly. i felt suddenly relieved yet pained, remembering that he to would become a soul reaper soon. Just like me. i cringed, i didnt want this. I didnt want him to land up like me, i wanted him to live. I smiled, yet at the same time...he could finally be here in soul society with me. He would no longer be a ryoka, just a shiginami. He wouldnt be an outsider. It was a bittersweet emotion that seemed to pass through myself and as soon as i noticed, everyone in the room. Everyone had stopped talking once they heard my statement, now each of them ignologing this wondering if to feel sad or relieved or both. I frowned, unhappy to have the attention to myself yet again. People seemed to pity her when they walked by, sttrarring at her like she was a poor lost puppy. (A/N: again with the puppy referance! Whats with me today?) They pitied her..i hate it when they do that. I shook my head. I hate it..

The small clock rung wildly clicking that the neverending hour and ceremony that took place. Relief filled me and i felt excited that i could finally get out of there. Away from those sad voices and sympathetic starrs. I wanted no part in those. I dont really remember what i said, even though only a minute passed. I had said some sort of poliete goodbye, releasing myself away. I also dont totally remember how i had got there but i soon found myself back in my quarters, where i had closed and locked the door, hiding myself away. I hid myself umong the boxes i still hadnt put away from years ago when i first came a shiginami. I crawled myself into a small ball and let myself weep in sorrow till i was out of breathe and tears. I wasnt sure what he did to make to make me so weak inside but even the thought of him made me cringe.

_(FLASHBACK)  
I closed my eyes ready for the last impact that would destroy me. Instead i felt nothing. I openned my eyes to see Ichigo, crushing his stiff body against mine."Rukia" his voice was nothing above a whisper. I could hear a sickining crack that made my heart miss a beat and air leaving my lungs. I feel his body limp at my touch, his body growing cold so soon. "Ichigo" i screamed. I could feel the stickiness of his blood boil at contact with my skin, our bodies so close yet so far all the same. He was dying and i knew it. He died in order to spare my life. "Ichigo..." i repeated, not afraid to hide the worry in my eyes. My stomache felt sick. "Rukia, why are you screaming?" the calmness of his voice scared me...it made me cringe.  
"its not meant to be this way!" I practicly screamed at him. "why did you do this!? Why didnt you let me die!" I screamed, my eyes became glassly.  
"Rukia.."  
"Why did you do this!!" i demanded. I could hear him choke, coughing up blood. "Ichigo!"  
"Rukia-" i wasnt sure why but when he meantioned my name, it took me off gaurd, making me close my mouth. "you...arent listening" He murmered. We waited a moment in silence, each second he didnt speak scared me, making me fear the worst. He spoke up in a small whisper, making me jump but at the same time sending me relief. "i was once told...by a great shiginami that it would be pointless to risk my life to save someone if i didnt really put my all into it" His words choked me causing me to flinch, my eyes becoming glassing with tears. "That day i learned that there would be no point...in risking my life for someone unless i really put my all into it. It would be pointless to save somebody i dont care for...." my heart skipped several beats, trying to get what he was implying too. I knew. I knew what he was going to say. I knew the next lines as if they came from a story book but i knew that even if he said it...he was dying now.....Tears fell freely down my face. "Rukia dont cry...I-" he turned over, coughing a red liquid onto the floor and my robes before collapsing into my arms. Time seemed to slow and i knew it was over, before he could say anymore he closed his eyes and his breathing ceased. Taking his last breath, his heart beating once more, he fell limp into my arms, Ichigo...the man i loved, died in my arms. 'its over...its all over' "ICHIGO!!!"  
(FLASHBACK ENDS)_

the memory burned in my mind, the image still there, his touch still burning my pale skin. "its the end" i replied aloud. It was the end....I could feel my gut clench and my body shiver. I felt like i was going to be sick. His memory was not faded. He wasnt going to fade...not now not ever....I could hear knocking softly on the door. I felt so distracted i could only wonder how long it had been. I got up, holding on the wall for supprot, my feet tripping on itself...'its the end' the words echoed, repeating itself in my head. 'the end' I walked to the door, shuffling my suddenly clumbsy feet. I could die without his touch, without his laugh, without his love...i walked to the door and openned it. 'its the end' I was suprised to be looking at the face of my friends, starring at me with worry. 'the end' Brother came up and gave me a hug catching me offgaurd. He let go and dissapeared into the back of the crowd. 'its the end' i looked at Renji, tears falling down my face i hugged him tightly. "I miss him Renji" i choked out in a low whisper, only loud enough for his ears only. He nodded.  
"i know you do" He let go and put a hand on my shoulder. "the picnic will start soon. Orihime made lunch." he turned around. "lets go"  
'the end' another tear fell down my face, i felt lost, lost without that stupid stawberry head... lost without him. 'its the end'  
"eh!?" i snapped out of myself to see Renji smile. I looked to were he was looking. The sky was blue and the rain had stopped, the sun was out and the after rain dew soaked the sky. I knew it was going to rain today, i expected that. I also knew it was going to be sunny later, the weather said so...but what i didnt expect was the cloud in the middle of the sky. Its shape was that of a heart...or if you look carefully....a strawberry......  
"Its not the end...just a new beginning..." dont cry because its done, smile because it happened....thats just what i did....

* * *

whew its done. Man that took me forever. xP Here is my IchiRuki fanfic i promised everyone. I am a huge IchiRuki fan and i promised my fans and myself that i would make a IchiRuki of my own to share.

As insperation, i was listening to "Keep Holding On" and "When Your Gone" by Avril Lavinge and "Drive My Soul" by Lights as well as a few others.

I dedicate this to my Grandpa, who died a few days ago. I learned the hard way that when someone important to you dies, it isnt the end even if it feels like it.

I hoped you liked it and will R and R (and i dont mean rest and recuperate) so please tell me what you think. :D Thank you.


End file.
